Saturday, 6 February 2016


If it's both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it.
My leaving day is here. I start looking around my bedroom and I have the sudden urge to put my hands on top of my head, not because I'm anxious or scared, although I think those feelings are not really helping, but because the drawers are opened, the clothes scattered, the books on the floor, and my desk filled with latte mugs.
I skim the check-list and I am certain that there will be something left forgotten. How did I leave everything for last minute?
Oh, I know! Because it's me!
Which leads me to that feeling I often find myself ruminating on: anxiety or lack of preparation? It's natural to feel slightly nervous before a trip, but all the time and that much? If you had prepared your itinerary a little more, seen how to get there, planned your days better, packed your bags sooner (and I mean everything, not just for the picture), wouldn't you feel more relaxed? Anxiety or lack of organisation? If you had prepared a list in advance, with the items as they appeared and not on the last day, hoping you'll remember everything and yelling profanities when you remember one on the way to the airport, maybe you wouldn't be so stressed.
And then I think: it wouldn't be me if I did. I wouldn't be that person who went to South America with nothing planned, with the two first nights reserved and no idea of how to catch a bus to go to Bolivia (I hadn't bothered to learn that the travel system in South America is actually amazing). That girl who found the next place she wanted to see only after someone mentioned it was nice and interesting (although to this date, I still regret my lack of preparation and the fact that I was robbed prevented me of seeing the Salt Flats). The one who only knew when she would buy the next ticket on the day itself and sometimes arrived at cities with unreserved hostels.
I hated that girl, she left my nerves running wild every day before a departure, but I loved that girl and her spirit of adventure. (Or perhaps, laziness, I bet on laziness)
The first week is already planned, not only because I won't be going alone but also because in Europe not planning is much more expensive, but from e 14th (the day of my flight to Beijing) I am going to celebrate Valentine's Day and I'm going to date that girl again, because although I hate the little nerves, I love not having plans or knowing where to go much more.

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